When do you quit and when do you keep going?
How do you know when you’re doing something impossible, if you need to keep going or if you need to quit and try something else. A lot of times people say they feel like they’re banging their head against a wall.
Everyone asks this & most people don’t like the answer.
Here’s my answer: most people just give up too soon. There are a lot of things you can do just by wanting it more than anyone else & sticking with it when most people want to quit. If you’ve tried painting one day and you’re mad you’re not picasso – suck it up buttercup – sorry to burst your bubble but even snowflakes have to do work – welcome to life.
That’s the root cause that makes most people ask the question – they come into life with the wrong expectations. They expect it to be easy and when it’s now – they think they’re doing it wrong and need to give up right away.
Do this differently. Expect it to be hard. That way, when it is actually hard – you’re not surprised and you can put your head down and keep after it.
That’s why 95% of people simply give up too soon.
If you’re thinking “oh, that’s not me” – look in the mirror and do a gut check. Yes, statistically, this is probably you.
The other side of the coin is that sometimes you banging your head against the wall – and you’ve simply found the hard part of the wall. The wall still needs to come down – but you need to attack a different part of it.
“Giving up” in this context doesn’t meant stopping altogether, but maybe trying a different part of the wall, trying something new and seeing if a new approach might work better.
You’re giving up on the tactic, but not the end goal.
Bang your head enough on a wall with drywall and you’ll eventually break it down. Bang your had against a wall where the studs are and you’re just going to get brain damage.
So that’s part of the puzzle too…
But – there’s also a point where you decide that maybe the wall isn’t even worth breaking down? That you’re just doing it for reasons that don’t really matter.
As I was thinking about this the other day, I drew this in my notebook to help visualize how to decide what to do.
There’s a matrix. There’s the level of difficulty and the level of importance. Most things tend to fall into 1 of 4 categories.
- Important and Easy
- Important and Hard
- Not Important and Easy
- Not Important and Hard
If something’s important to you, do it. It doesn’t matter what it is, do it. If you can’t get it out of your head, sit down and figure out how to build brain reinforcements because that freaking wall is coming down.
If something isn’t important to you – why the hell are you still doing it? Don’t do any of this.
If something is easy – there’s probably a lot of people trying to do the same thing – why are you wasting your time on it (if it’s not important). If it is easy – you should get it done ASAP.
So When Do You Give Up and When Do You Keep Going?
Here’s the legend:
Important and Easy = Do It Now
Important and Hard = Embrace The Suck
Not Important and Easy = Don’t Waste Time Here
Not Important and Hard = STOP – You’ll get brain damage.
Got it?
Now go do something impossible & stick with it.
Love that quadrant so much better than what I learned from a Steve Covey lesson.
What was that lesson?
Hey Joel, I think Jerry is referring to the time management matrix.
The four inputs are urgent, not urgent, important and not important.
I love this – I just drew the matrix on a sticky note for my monitor and passed this article onto colleagues through linked in. Great way to gain some perspective on our unnecessary tasks. Nice job Joel.
Thanks for this post Joel. I think I’ve seen this diagram before but it’s time I really started applying it on a daily basis.
I literally just drew it up. If you’ve seen it somewhere else – please let me know.
So simple but so true.
Embracing the suck is something that I’ve been doing for a few years now, I agree it seems as if everyone gives up too easily. What’s worse is when you’re both trying to accomplish the same thing, they give up, then they try to convince you that what you’re doing is impossible and you’re just wasting your time. Sometimes too it seems it really is impossible.
Currently I’m trying to master Chinese to fluency. A lot of times I would try to speak to a native then have no idea what is going on, I would look like a complete fool. Honestly though, there were some times I was so embarrassed I cried afterwards (they were manly tears of course). But after every time I manned up and continued studying the next day. Giving up was not an option. I’m now at a point in which I can almost pass the HSK fluency test. Sure it may take a few months or years to be at the point I want to be, be this is important to me so I must “embrace the suck”
5 years ago, I started an adventure that began with few obstacles. It was important to do this. So, when year 2 rolled in and marked 18 months of constant roadblocks, I thought “maybe I need a different adventure”. But I embraced the suck and redesigned the plans. Went about it in many different ways. At year 4, I admitted defeat. That adventure just lost it’s importance! Now, if I had been on this quest alone, I would have already hit the road. But my husband doesn’t want to “start again and make another colossal mistake”. His words, not mine. I say we learned a lot, won’t make the same choices again and time is short.
So, what do you do when one person is ready to go….and the other isn’t? I’ve been lobbying for us to get moving (both literally & figuratively) for over a year now.
I’m in this boat too! Trying to convince my partner to live dangerously with me, to give up the ordinary and travel while we still have a bit of youth & time. I feel your frustration, truly.