If you’re going to get good at anything you have to surround yourself with people who are better than you, people who believe in you and people who challenge you.
Table of Contents
The more you do that. The faster you do that. The faster you improve.
***
If you surround yourself with people who
- have no goals
- lack motivation
- show no discipline and
- have no higher arcing purpose for what they’re doing,
Chances are, you’ll end up
- wandering without goals,
- lacking motivation,
- having little discipline and
- searching for a larger purpose.
But
If you surround yourself with people who
- set impossible goals
- motivate each other
- hold each other accountable and
- act with intentionality & purpose
You might just:
- achieve impossible goals
- have no problem finding motivation
- find yourself incredibly disciplined
- find inspiration in a cause greater than yourself
RAAM
By being surrounded by the RAAM team this past week I was immersed with a group of stellar athletes facing an impossible goal for an awesome cause. I came away incredibly inspired and found myself wanting to bike across the US myself (apparently so did Jess). It’s amazing how your outlook changes when you’re surrounded by a group of persons constantly encouraging, challenging and getting the best out of each other.
Nobody makes it alone.
There were all sorts of teams that competed in RAAM. Durham Cares was an 8 person team but there were other types a teams. 4 person teams, 2 person teams and even a tandem team. All teams. The most intense division was the solo rider division. These guys ride alone. Cyclists like Jure Robic ride for days without sleeping and still make it across the whole country in 8 days. That’s absolutely mind-boggling to me, but it’s also misleading.
Each of those riders still had coaches, support crews and countless others throughout the race that kept them going, kept them motivated and kept them physically able to perform at their best. If you read the article about Jure, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t stand a chance to make it without his support team. Yes, he’s the only one cycling but he’s surrounding with a team of people pushing him towards his goals. Completing the race solo is one thing. Completing it isolated is another. You can ride the bike by yourself, but you can’t finish without a team. Nobody makes it alone. Surround yourself.
***
Are you surrounding yourself with people that are pushing you, challenging you, and making you better? Who are they?
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Hoo-RAH, Joel . . . this is so very true.
I’ve heard it said that each of us are the sum (or maybe average) of the five people we spend the most time with. Who we surround ourselves with is a huge factor in what we value and how hard we push to improve. A drum instructor of mine used to advise me to be the weakest link in any band I played in. Surround yourselves with superior musicians and you’ll be forced to step up to the occasion, and grow in the process.
Thanks for yet another great post!
Right on Mark. It can be tempting to hang out in circles where you’re the top dog. While that can be good for you (and your ego), to grow you really need to put yourself in places where you’re constantly having to stretch yourself.
p.s. thanks for speaking up. I love how just some things in life hold true no matter what you do. Whether that’s competing in sports or traveling the world playing drums it still applies. Awesome 🙂
True and to the point. As we know that “Your friend circle nearly defines how your personality is shaped…
Well said Anshul. I’ve found that statement true in my own life several times.
Hi!
I’ve been reading for a while, but I especially liked this article so I wanted to comment. This is something I struggle with. I often fall into the habit of isolating myself and it definitely makes it a huge struggle to achieve my goals. Those same goals seem so much easier to achieve when I have even one more person who believes in me and encourages me, or even just serves as a sounding board. And it helps even more to come across blogs like yours and AONC, where people are doing amazing and impressive things every day. It’s very motivating. Thanks for all you do!
Sarah
Hi Sarah!
Thanks so much for reading :). It’s always great when some of the sometime quiet readers introduce themselves. I really appreciate it.
I totally agree, having just one person who believes in what you’re doing can make a huge difference. What are some of the goals you’re working towards? If i can help you out and encourage you in any way, please let me know!
Chris G @ AONC is a huge inspiration to me. Thanks for putting me in the same sentence as him. He’s awesome.
Thanks again Sarah!
-Joel
Well, some of my current goals are: get my cookie/bakery business off the ground, skydive solo (http://www.skydiveu.com/), travel to all 50 states in alphabetical order, go to Euro Cup 2012, World Cup 2014, and on and on. I have a lot I want to do. 🙂
Keep doing what you’re doing! That helps out and encourages me more than you know. Seeing people out there do crazy things and go for their goals show it is possible for me to do whatever I want.
Sarah
Keep me posted on the baking business…I just might have to order something.
All states in Alphabetical order? That sounds epic 🙂 Also, the Eurocup & Worldcup would be sweet. I was in Spain back when they won the Eurocup and the place went nuts!
Thanks for reading & commenting. It’s just as encouraging from my end to see that this blog is helping others do the same and realize their goals (whatever they might be).
I to have isolated to the point I have only family who already thinks I do to much. That’s because I know to do the things that make me look good I do need to stretch and find others to associate with who are better at the things I want to do than I am – not easy when you are over 70
hi Joel,
Great website you have, found you via a comment you left on Jonathan Fields’ blog.
I’m really into tennis, it encapsulates the challenges of life in microcosm, so I’ve surrounded myself with players better than me at my local club in East London UK (Aldersbrook Tennis Club), a great tennis coach (Phil Vivian) and some great online help via YouTube coaching.
Keep your great blog posts coming.
Dom
Dom-
Thanks for stopping in! Jonathan is great. Love his blog!
Thanks for the props and taking the time to comment. Good luck with Tennis (I’m absolutely terrible). Sounds like you’ve laid out a plan. It can be humbling to play with better players, but that’s the only way to get better! Keep it up & let me know if I can help in anyway.
-Joel
Love the Blog! I appreciate the bullet points about creating goals and moving forward as a powerful team. I made a post a year ago about Mario and Luigi and the power of our experiences. Check it out at the link above ^^.
Thanks Travis :). Mario & Luigi had an awesome crew around them (although, i have to admit, peach always somewhat annoyed me).
Joel,
I just came across your blog about a week ago and I have to say I am very impressed. I have sat on the sidelines for awhile in getting my real estate investing business off the ground. I have spent way too long being broke and working a job that I cannot stand. So, I am publicly putting out there an impossible goal. I want to close 100k in income between now and October 1st. This post has made me realize that everybody I hang out with is broke and complaining about life. I think I need to draw a line in the sand and kill it with a typoe of overwhelming force because trying to co it with partial commitment has gotten me no where! I know that impossible goals should not be about income but this willl allow me to change mindset, change my lifestyle (pay off debts), and most importantly give me time to hang with my kids. Any ideas or thoughts on how to kick start my new “peer” group would greatly be appreciated.
Thanks
Dan Egbers
Hey Dan. My best advice – find people who are doing what you want to be doing, pay attention to them and introduce yourself to them. If you want to be in real estate, find a few people who are killing it in real estate and figure out what they’re doing versus the competition. Find a few people, meet their connections and pretty soon you’ll have a small circle of mentoring peers. Hope that helps!
Nice blog. Short and sweet. Kind of a different question then the others on but the same concept… I have always surrounded myself with people who are not motivated, don’t have goals and two faced in that they show jealousy towards others who may have that “glamorous life.” And I have become that person. For example my sister has only surrounded herself with people who are successful, have money, status, travel the world, all the material stuff etc. And although she comes from “no money” she is just like them. I am dangerously jealous of her and her daughters because they “have it all.” Wondering, why can’t I have that “perfect” life. How would you suggest I change my mentality of the situation from seeing that lifestyle as the “enemy” to this is how I can be successful and teach my son to do the same?? Not an easy question I know 🙂
Just catching up with this from the archives. I’m working on building my team or peer group right now, just sent an email to a buddy who’s passionate about his work, as I am about mine. Really inspiring post. We certainly can’t do it alone.
I have never really thought about the people surrounding me. But I guess you are right. For instance, my thesis director helped me a lot and actually it was because of him I could finish: He believed in me and made me better than I thought I was. I never really gave that fact the attenttion it needed, but now I know: The people that believe in you can see things in you that you can’t see yourself. They can see potential, they can see the power to do the impossible. I am going to find my team and get some impossible things done together!
Absolutely a terrific blog and so true! I did my first Triathlon this summer, won my age group, and in fact, I did another. And I did also a relay team, bike leg in an off-road Triathlon, Oh and I raced a 5k (25.38) All this in a matter of 7 weeks. I absolutely could not have done it if I did not choose to surround myself with both accomplished athletes and also those having similar goals as myself. LIKE MINDED! I found my motivation, I did not sit and wait for it. Oh and I am a 46 year old mother and no one believes I am! Woot!
Hey Joel, Great blog! I’ve personally found it a bit hard to find teams and mentors but I realised that most days I’ve surrounded myself with my own personal dream team of mentors and people lifting me up – my CD collection in my car! I have the likes of Jim Rohn, Les Brown and Steven Covey in the back seat of my car. They keep me accountable and inspired to live more fully. Now I can add your name as well. Thanks again.
Man, I’m suffering from this problem right now. I’m surrounded by losers with bad attitudes and no goals. It’s worse when it’s family too.
Great post!
Inspiring stuff, as usual, man!
I’ve always found that nothing pushes me harder when someone comes along an tells me ‘you can’t do it’. I’m a musician and I’m going to Australia in July for a years work and playing music across the country. According to my dad I’m going to fail and never make it as a pro guitarist. I’ve never listened to anything he says, but when someone tells me I’ll fail, it pushes me to succeed like crazy. I surround myself around musicians and people who have done a lot more than me all the time, their stories and skills inspire me to keep going. I’m on my mission 24/7. It’s work, fitness, guitar practice and jamming with friends. My parents think I’m obsessed. But, as I like to think ‘impossible things don’t happen with mediocre efforts’. I left a few ‘friends’ behind years ago they were just stoner drunks, it was impressive if they got out of bed before 4pm let alone have goals, I saw one of them the other day and he hadn’t changed a bit. Still unemployed, going nowhere and high as usual. Probably the best decision I ever made was to leave that life forever.
Music is always there to inspire me people like Bob Marley, The Beatles and so on. Also reading about incredible peoples journey to the top. If you don’t have the will to fail over and over again, you won’t get anywhere.
Cheers for the inspiration, Joel!
Max
Hi Joel
This blog is such perfect timing. I just found your website about 2 weeks ago and you’ve really inspired me, My vision is very clear. I have everything I need to take it to the next level and I’m experiencing a block in my energy field it’s just not flowing and tonight I started to feel very discouraged. I know I need support and not clear on who or where. Any suggestions?
Hey Debra,
Check out this video by Elon Musk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOPgM7Sc2VQ
While biking is one of my things, what this group did was absolutely amazing, definition of dedication. The article as a whole certainly puts it in perspective that I NEED to focus on altering my circle. I’ve got a handful of true friends who are closer than family, but the vast majority, it seems, are content with being “comfortable” versus finding “happiness/excitement.” I can’t do content or comfortable anymore, it hasn’t gotten me anywhere closer to my goals or given me any real excitement out of life, so here’s to the game changer!