Hey you.
I’ve got something tough to say to you.
If you’re feeling sensitive, you’re gonna want to close this blog right away, but it’s important…
You ready?
Well…here it is:
You’re not special.
Whaaa?
I know your parents told you different – your teachers did too – maybe even your band director or life coach.
That you’re unique.
You’re special.
There’s no one else quite like you.
Even online, you get the message that you’re supposed to find your voice, share your insight with the world, follow your passion, step into your authentic self…and poof…good things will happen. Easy.
…
..
.
Hold on one second…
.
..
…
Okay I’m back – sorry I had to go throw up.
…
Where were we? Oh…
I still have bad news.
You’re not special.
Your mom and dad love you very much and your fingerprints are unique and you got a bunch of things only you can do.
That’s about it though.
And you need to give it up – before it makes you miserable.
Because despite all the good intentions, those phrases are filling your head, bleeding over into your thoughts, your mindset and ruining your life.
You’ve convinced yourself that your circumstances are unique. That no one can understand what it’s like being you. Because you’re unique – you’re special – and there is no one quite like you – and nothing quite like what you’re experiencing.
But again, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your circumstances are not special. (okay, I don’t hate it that much)
Sorry not sorry.
Yes.
You have obstacles.
You have difficulties.
You have things that seem impossible sometimes.
You might have more.
You might have less.
But you have them.
And so do 7 billion other people.
It’s called being human.
And the issue isn’t that there are obstacles.
The issue it that you have 20/30/40/50 years (pick your number) of people telling you that you shouldn’t expect there to be any.
That you’re special.
That you’re unique.
And beneath those benign sounding phrases comes the poisonous implication that’s hiding beneath the surface….
That it’s supposed to be easy.
Right?
Wrong?
And that’s why you’re miserable.
You think it’s supposed to be easy.
In fact, you expect it.
Do the opposite – expect it to be hard.
Expect things to be hard:
1. If it is actually hard, well, what did you expect?
2. If it turns out easy, then you get a nice surprise— Joel Runyon (@joelrunyon) February 3, 2017
For the hundreds of people that you think have an unfair advantage on you. Remember there’s a billion or so odd people that you have an unfair advantage on.
My buddy Kyle could spend a lot of time thinking he’s special – he’s too busy climbing mountains to listen to the reasons why he’s not supposed to do something.
I know you think you have unique circumstances.
I know no one can tell you what it’s like to live your life.
I know you’re think you’re special.
But you’re not.
You’re not special.
In fact, you’re just like everyone else.
And that’s an amazing thing.
Because everyone has obstacles.
So expect them.
Plan for it to be hard.
It is for everyone.
Then go do something impossible anyways.
That is so true. Thanks for saying as it is, straight on Joel.
I converted to SGI-USA Buddhism 35 years ago. And, I learned about the being-better-than-everyone-else delusion I was under. After learning that I am not special, life became easier. I am still pursuing a goal that is bigger than the obstacles. But, I do get disheartened. It is at those times that an Impossible email will show up in my inbox, reminding me to go do something impossible. Like that commercial: “Do what you can’t.”
Reminds me of this – “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
LOVE THIS. It reminds me of the words of the great prophet Lloyd Dobler: “if you start out depressed, everything’s kind of a pleasant surprise.”
Neither are you Joel 😛
I am more than aware 🙂
I still need to be reminded now and then so cheers 😉
Thanks man, I needed that.
Reminds me of a saying us graduate students used back in the day when we were working on advanced degrees in electrical engineering: “If it was easy, the undergraduates could do it.” Good, very timely article. Regards, Brent Senettw
Boom! Perfectly said. My sentiments exactly.
Thanks for writing this! I remember coming to terms with this during a recovery period in my life. It’s a pretty freeing realization, really!
we need more of this. thanks man
Words of wisdom, not always supported by all, unfortunately
Thanks, this is the story and the glory of coming from behind, grinding it out, never giving up. Get up and keep going. Do the best you can with what you have where you are at.
I kinda love this and i kinda am giving it the finger too. Interesting perspective definitely worth reflecting on. 100% things should be challenging, life in general, that’s where growth, confidence and really knowing yourself comes from. I’m struggling with the fact that we are all the same there is so much diversity innthe world and one of the main reasons I travel is to experience something different than I’ve ever known. I’ll keep this in my mental rolodex and continue to ponder it.
Yes Joel I am going through a downside at present. But the best thing about I am picking myself up very quickly.
I have heard those statements before. Over and over. I can still remember the words of a Former Prime Minister of Australia 40 years ago saying “Life Was Not Meant To Be Easy”
Yeah, you’re right. But not because we are not special people in our own right, but because none of us get a free pass in life. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but once you learn it and embrace it, it makes you special in a different way – someone who knows how to make their own path, through the thick & thin. Thanks for sharing!